Topical jokes: Keir Starmer, Boris Johnson and Gavin Williamson

September's topical jokes. The post Topical jokes: Keir Starmer, Boris Johnson and Gavin Williamson appeared first on Newsfox - UK spoof news, jokes and satire.

Topical jokes: Keir Starmer, Boris Johnson and Gavin Williamson

Topical jokes as France are enraged by Australia’s new defence plans, Boris wants to bring back imperial measures, Gavin Williamson cannot tell black people apart and Keir Starmer keeps on being terrible. 

Westminster

So which crap team will big Sam Allardicci try to save this season? My bet is Barcelona.

Piers Morgan is BACK. By which I mean on a channel designed to generate 15 second videos for Twitter run by an information trafficking mob boss.

I know what will make China reduce carbon emissions. Make them believe that an impending nuclear war means climate change is the least of their problems.

Boris Johnson bringing back the Imperial measuring system. Maybe we can have horses and carts to replace the HGVs and jousting contests back too?

Remember China is a huge enemy which also happens to be the only reason any of us can afford to buy anything.

Boris Johnson says imperial measures are still popular but refuses to divulge the metrics.

Thank God we got rid of that fascist Trump, say people from a country where you will lose your job for not taking a medicine which has well established side effects.

Migrant boats plan. Turnaround Tories have basically now got a racist channel.

Can we have turnaround tactics for the Tories?

Migrant boats will U turn for sure if they put up widescreens of Big Nurse Patel doing karaoke.

Dodgy duke

The problem for any close pal of Epstein is going to be to argue that the basis of the friendship was not the absolutely obvious but a mutual love of stamps .

If Prince Andrew keeps hiding they will have to call it Bal-Immoral.

Poor Gavin Williamson probably thinks the Home Secretary is Whitney Houston.

Gav Williamson thought he was talking to Marcus Rashford. Maro Itoje admits he thought he was talking to a well briefed and vaguely intelligent politician.

Put one of those black fellows who go on Twitter and say kids are hungry on a call would you Briers? More Gavin Williamson quotes later.

In fairness the most stupid thing about the Gavin Williamson story is that anyone still thinks he cares about kids,

Gavin Williamson probably thought he was talking to Marcus Rashford because he put himself off video and went on FIFA while Maro Itoje discussed child poverty.

Gav’s gaffe

I struggle to tell the difference between Gavin Williamson and a lobotomised crab to be fair.

Tories plan to reduce training time for the very easy job of driving massive trucks on busy roads.

Tony Blair was actually a foreign policy genius. He managed to make Iraqis wish Saddam was in charge.

Vaccine passports won’t affect clubbing as it was impossible to get into them before the pandemic.

Lisa Nandy would knock doors for the Tories if it was to get rid of Corbyn.

Brexiteers now in a rage about our dependence on China having demanded we leave Europe to get a better trade deal with China.

Labour’s disciplinary system is a mess. If only there was a really senior lawyer who could maybe help them out eh?

Funny but people seem more upset about the US leaving Afghanistan than when they dismantled Iraq’s entire state then forgot to replace it with anything.

Starm alarm

US cut and run from Afghanistan after a 20 year, 2tn dollar war. If that is a rapid exit then wait till these people read up on the 20th Century.

Keith Starmer says the public don’t want nationalised utilities, they just want the government to fix the problem. Unfortunately they can’t because THE BLOODY THINGS AREN’T OWNED BY THE PUBLIC.

Keith Starmer says many struggling businesses would be wiped out by a £15 minimum wage. Yes, like the Labour Party.

Insulate Britain protest called off after they got stuck in a traffic jam caused by an Insulate Britain protest.

Britain 2021. Either get stuck on the M25 with Insulate Britain or join the rest of the country trapped by Insular Britain.

Keith Starmer strategic genius . Unveil plan to disenfranchise all members at a giant meeting with all the members.

I know global diplomacy is like three dimensional chess which we plebs cannot understand but Manu Macron seems to be acting like Bianca off EastEnders.

New Australia alliance to counter threat of China, although now apparently we are at war with France.

Probably makes sense that this new Australia alliance is pronounced awks.

The post Topical jokes: Keir Starmer, Boris Johnson and Gavin Williamson appeared first on Newsfox - UK spoof news, jokes and satire.